i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
