I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
