As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
