Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
