i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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