remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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