I saw his package. It spoke to me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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