I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
