An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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