I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
