he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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