cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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