I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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