In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
