I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
