New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We left an ass print on the piano.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
