so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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