We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
