So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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