i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize