booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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