I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
