WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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