So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's blow job season.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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