oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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