We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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