i think my mom watched the whole time
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize