Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
