I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just high enough for therapy.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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