Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
