On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
