fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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