I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
