i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my shit smells like andre
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Someone shattered a urinal.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
