It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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