I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
