All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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