two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
