pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
