I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
