I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
