i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
