no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Let's get the cat blown out
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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