I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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