I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
