why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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