My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
