why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
