..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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