dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
