i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
