i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
