You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
