Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The power of my boobs compel you
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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