GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
