Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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