Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
