Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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