No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize