I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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