Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
